Blogs are are hard to do regularly. Sometimes I have plenty to say, but I am better off not saying it in public. Sometimes I have nothing to say that feels like it would benefit or interest anyone else. A blog implies that that you are either doing something interesting that others would like to know about, or that you have wisdom to share, or that you are funny and interesting. Many of the things that I do are mundane; often I doubt myself and seem unable to behave wisely myself and so there is not much point in sharing that, and often, when remarkable things happen, I am too busy to write about it. However, here is a summary of some noteworthy things that have affected me or that I have observed in the last few months:
- A dear friend died in a fire. All I could do was mourn the loss of his life and his phenomenal creativity.
- A boy that I care about a great deal was diagnosed with cancer. He is being treated and I feel for his suffering – both because of the invasive treatment and the enormous changes to his life and the lives of his family.
- Two young men that I mentor both landed up in prison and although they are both doing well under the circumstances, all I could do was remain supportive and accept the complexity of their struggles.
- I have moved house, finally sacrificing the empty promise of rural greenery for the complex joy of living at close quarters with a community who knows your name and occasionally invades your privacy, but also importantly witnesses and supports your life.
- I am learning how to overcome extreme childhood wounds in order to risk sustaining an intimate relationship with a significant other, while some days holding the fear in my throat rather than re-enacting old defense mechanisms.
- I have continued to teach the things I believe in day after day, and hopefully I am adapting my teaching to reflect my learning, and finding an optimum balance between fear, realism and hope in doing so.
- And finally, by chance, I found an arum lily frog (surprisingly) in an arum lily. I had never seen one before.